Thursday, July 01, 2004
This was posted in my xanga
"Im locked up they wont let me out, wont let me out..."
O boi you know when I start with a song quotation the entry is going to be somewhere on the serious meter bar. Basically a lot of urr ideas and thoughts have been swirling around in my head lately and its like im not sure which way to turn just yet. What am I talking about you ask?? Well most of my friends (yes you too fellow Xanger head) know that I'm a deeply religious person. Not just spiritual and yes there is a difference. Dictionary.com it if you dont know. Anyway, I've always felt as if I were different, like I had a urr calling on my life. I didnt know exactly -what- the calling was, but I felt it there. Now that i've grown somewhat older, I've started to realize that I'm being led into the ministry as a minister. It was not something that I just rose up and chose. Actually if I had a choice xanger head, I would choose not to be a minister. Why you ask?? Because the title and the job carries so much weight. I feel inadequate for the position. But I understand that the future is not always meant to be known. Sometimes you just have to go along with the program and hope things work out for the best. But I know that the Lord is moving me in the right direction. However; I have a slight problem. As you xanga heads know I live a different lifestyle. Thats not something that I feel like I chose either. I feel as if my attraction to females/women did not just pop out of nowhere but originated sometime during the course of my creation. *Sigh* so essentially what does this mean?? It means that I cant live both lives. Thtas like having my cake and eating it too if you feel me. Its not even so much that being gay is a contradiction of god (although to me it is) but rather I feel that the gay/lesbian lifestyle wasnt meant for me. "im locked up they wont let me out"
But its so hard to even fathom up the thought of leaving this life. Its like i'm not mad at being in this life. Its given me so much confidence, a new perspective on things, gave me a voice I didnt know I had. I've met so many beautiful and intelligent people during the time that I have actively and publicly dated females. BUUUUTTTT on the other side of the spectrum its just like I feel as if I just cant escape this. I recieve so much attention and admiration, its like if im interested in 10 girls I can get 8 of em. I've got a beautiful, intelligent and dedicated girlfriend right now. One who would stick by me thru anything. But this is just not the life for me. And yet im scared. Scared of change, scared to move on, sacared to step outside of what is comfortable to me. and so therefore I just continue to prolonge a choice that was already made way back.
Its like I feel these two pulls on my life, clashing at each other fighting for dominance. I cant go both ways. I cant be two people and NO I cant compromise. I guess its a battle of will and determination, or maybe in a complex yet simple form *smilez* its a battle of intended destiny. I dont know xanga reader you tell me, what do you think??
In other news yesterday was Asia and I's anniversary. "happy anniversary" hehe. But it was kind of bittersweet ya mean. (did i just say ya mean??) Today Sulena and I are going out to dinner and to take pictures and god knows what else. Asia is jealous of Sulena. I would say I dont know why but I do. Its kind of ironic though how everytime Im on the phone with Sulena, Asia just happens to call. Last night I was talkin to Asia on AOL and Sulena on my cell phone and Asia asks if she can call my house phone. I tell her to wait a few minutes. Well thats cool with her, but then she asks me what i'm doing. I tell her that I'm talking to Sulena about tomorrow (which is today) arrangements. She (asia) catches an attitude with me. She asks me if Sulena is my best friend and if I love her. Then she sends me a text message like "call me if your not too busy talking to your FRIEND". And yes she DID capitalize. Asia says that it makes her mad when I tell other gurls I love them but I mean if I feel it i'm bound to say it. Even if I do only say it once.
In other news, today is my sister Shauna's birthday. She's 19. And yes she IS my real sister. Well I'm at work right now, getting my break on, I holla
krys went swimming @7/01/2004 03:03:00 PM
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Friday, June 18, 2004
Rite, so now a girl cant even take a midnight snack run because her big brother marlon has ate ALL of the jelly. YES ALL. Im talkin only saved me a corner just like he does everything.
Background Check: Marlon = big bro who really isnt related but should be. I've been knowing this boy for like 3 years now, goood lord is he a nuisance. Here I thought I could get my P&J on at 1 am but there aint no J and only half a P so im left with just gettin it on with the idea and a knife. Dammit i'm PMS'ing and I'm not used to this moodswing shyt so homeboy better buy me some food or risk his life!! *Mean face* In other news...
Today was the (well yesterday) worst day I've had in a minute. Woke up hella early couldnt go baack to sleep. Missed my gurl's call because I was so tired, went to make breakfast and didnt have the strength. Things fell thru with Megan and I was a lil aggitated so I hauled ass to catch the 2:48 bus and at 2:45 the bitch came, left and still didnt have me on it. So caught the other bus to the subway went down to Mondawmin where i fukked up my timbs. Went inside and the lil P decided to visit unannounced. No bathrooms in sight, no tampon dispensers, no toilet paper, no sympathy...dammit no JUSTICE NO PEACE!!! I had to do the ghetto ass toilet paper wedgie trick. Then I come out and it rains on me. Get home just to have to leave out to work again. They jip me out my pay, my ride doesnt come on time, my father shows up randomly and my gurl gets pissy at me. Damn nice ass day.
So I havent spoken to sulena in a minute and I dont know how I should feel about that one. I need hernot to be evasive right now because i'm being selfish and I want to talk to her. VON is prolly consuming her time. I swear i dont like that dude. He soft as shit I swear. but n e who.
Background Check: Sulena = dory (best friend) sister. mmkay
Alrighty so i'm reading this book Native son and its real interesting. I feel like the main character bigger right now. He argues that while he has this supposed "free will and free determination of action", he really doesnt because he will never be able to do what the white man can. He is confined behind social barriers thatt prohibit him from experiencing the joys of being "free" in the highest degree. He also is the only one in his family old enough at the time to hold ajob besides his mother. The sucess of the family rests on his shoulders and he cant seem to bear that burden.
I relate to bigger because I too experience the same issues. Not an exact replica, but similar. Often times I feel trapped in a cycle, of free will versus oppresion where more often than not oppresion wins. I am not talking about the white man or the black man or anything like that. I am talking financial constraints, modern day "morality", standards of conformity. I am free but I cannot fully comprehend that word because money chokes me viciously. When I acquire it I feel the burden of unwelcome responsibilty to use it constructively rather than lavishly, and when I dont have it, the pressure of knowing Im making it that much harder on my family is a weight I cannot bear. I am bound by the shackles of "have and have nots". I may put up a good front but I am of the have not group and i am reminded of that every single time I for go an afternoon with my friends because i do not have the 3.50 for bus fare. I come to grips with the reality of have nots when I am forced to use the same school supplies every year because a pack of pens is too much. I feel only somewhat priviledged when I realize that while I goto one of the best highschools i risk not being able to goto college for the fact that all of our money has been put to grade school financing. And i love seeing how long i can go without contacts or glasses because insurance cant cover it for another 3 months. I thrive off making five dollars last a week or flipping a nickel to make it into 50 cents. I have mastered the art of provoking pity and empathy. And I know the feelng of bitterness that comes when your own "freewill" is stripped away by the need to survive day to fuggin day. I am not poor, just tied to money.
You know recently my 3 year old cousin has started referring to me as "boy" tellin anyone she encounters about my "true gender". Even though she is just 3, I was forced to examine myself. I no longer see what used to be a loving caring female girl, now I see just remnants of that. Often times i'll walk down the street and people will stare for days with the oddest expressions plastered on their faces. I know they are probably searcing for some obvious feature, some hint of promescuity that might suggest taht i am truly still female, but they tend to find none and turn their heads in shame. Time and time again I wish they would stop staring, arent I "free" to express myself?? Cant I be me, and not be referred to as "boy" or "poor confused child". No of course not. My freedom is constrained my moralities standards, a morality based on the righteousness of what has been. Im sorry im not what has been. Im sorry that I walk with a swagger, talk kinda sick, and occasionally inbetween my legs i keep a *oops* cant say that, i havent been granted that freedom yet. How is that a 16 year old doubts themselves more than a broker giving advice about new shares on wallstreet?? The world will never know. We live in the land of the few and proud, the brave, and the free...i guess i'm still an immigrant.
I've got so much anger and rage built inside of me I want to explode, implode or both. But I wont i'll sit my ass in the corner over here. Dana and I discussed homosexuality from a religious standpoint. Fun times...I remember when I first contemplated that. I came up with this. COPYRIGHTED 2002
Praying For Blasphemy
It seems my internal is asking me to pray for blasphemy, as my thoughts harass me
Experiencing all emotions except happy nothing’s clear as my voice of reason submit noise that mirror the adjective raspy
Hoping I’m dreaming but this isn’t a majestic scene, I’m caught in-between cracks like an indecisive fiend
What does this all mean? The fairytale life of a blissful queen is shattered quicker than it ever mattered
Its seems I can hear the laughter, the gestures and jeers the sea would be minute in comparison to the measure of these tears
My greatest fears have come true and I’m wishing for clocks to have limbs so that I can turn back the hands of time
The only one still beside me is this black brother man of mine, nothing seems to go together like this disconnected line
Not trying to complain, but someone must have put my picture up because I’ve been framed
What’s my name? Too much an individual provoking ridicule, not willing to take experimental steps because this situation is pivotal
And the Lord’s got to be cynical to allow this to happen; I’m covering what I truly feel inside like Christmas wrapping
Now I’m trapped in and my imaginary axis must be gone because I feel there’s nowhere to turn
I’m yearning for the truth before this stress destroys my youth; if this is a genetic thing somebody goofed
I’m not new to this not looking for a stamp of approval more or less looking for a pamphlet on removal
I’m only a mortal I make mistakes tired of fake flakes that try to tell me my place
Even if my interests were face to face they wouldn’t see eye-to-eye I must be on wheel of fortune because I know who I am but I cant buy why (Y)
So I try to pacify my soul as I traumatize my own, a notarized outlaw like Al Capone
And I must have a bad neurological syndrome because I can’t think straight
As I wait on my fate I contemplate and debate just becoming more and more irate
Getting lured in to take this weight off my heart as right and wrong depart me
Hoping my philosophies more potent than Plato and Socrates don’t contradict God but if they do I can only hope I was right in Praying For Blasphemy
My father stopped by today urr last night...mmkay..i have no comments i do not acknowledge him. He asked me " what are u going to do in college" I refused to givehim the satisfaction of knowing when he wasnt there for half of my life leading up to college
On that note i'm exhausted holler
krys went swimming @6/18/2004 03:00:00 AM
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Sunday, June 13, 2004
Okay so my baby makes me say....
oOOooOO smah na na...lmao. But seriously, she got me hooked on stupid o boi. Today I saw ahotmixedfem aka Justice in the mall and it was real funny because I didnt know what to say. So I just sorta looked her sideways until she struck up a convo with me. Damn am I cute lmao (inside joke guyz...but I am cute hehe). Of all people I saw in owings mills, I spotted michele. Aight here we go..
Havent seen this chick in ages, havet spoken to her. I didnt even really consider us friends anymore for the way it went down. Here she come out of nowhere calling me in the middle of the carnival "Krys..Krystin" Im like who da hell?? Amd lo and behold/ Yea so I didnt know exactly what to say so I just stoodand looked retarded. I am not even sure if i'm glad that I saw her. Im actually pretty indifferent. Shes the same, and I well i've gotten older matured and moved on with my life. I hope that she learns to do the same. Not to be rude, but i'm not looking for a friendship in that area. The funny part is, she was with my ex girl and her now girlfriend who is supposedly michele's best friend. But moving on, didnt really want to see my ex either. I kind of cut her off, we could be friends but it would be pointless. She isnt where im at.
Danielle came out later on with her umm *clearin throaK* gurl, Yolanda. I really dont like her too much. But hey thats not my perorgative. I just think Danielle could do better. Or well nevermind. Yea but Y bout D some jordans. Mmkay. And who the hell is Robert?? He funny, but who the hell is he?? Geezus.
Chilled with Phil for a hot minute. Along with practically every damn body else I know. EXCEPT MEGAN!! what happened to you foo?!?! Anywho, lil wanna be pimp doms what? I dunt know. I chilled with Nicole for a minute after she got off work. She said i had a cute nose and kept calling me toot toot...hmm okay Nicole I love your retarded ass too. I mean overall I enjoyed myself. And I made curfew go me!!! But like I said, my baby just make me say
OoOoO sma na na
O wow because conversed with Dory aka Doc Real today. All I know is we bout to BLLOOWWW UPPP!!!! lol. I dont know how much i'm looking forward to the 16th doe. Cuz Crystal cant plan shyt for her life as agreed by Kim and I. *shaking head* ... What would C do without a planner like me lmao...I still havent quite foundout about the interworkings of the citation "system" hehe.
Met up with these Christian rappers yesterday. Interesting. Im on the rightpath. Hmm who knows maybe one day i'll be working under them.
My baby growing on me. It could be the moans. Hmm nah its just her. But I still dont know how settled I am. When you get crazy attention from fems n umm random hoes n such, you dont really like settling down. Cant have my cake and eat it too. But regardless at the end of the day, I still know who I'm coming home to you feel me. Thats my heart.
Sooo dont have much more to write...I holla!
krys went swimming @6/13/2004 12:37:00 AM
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Friday, June 11, 2004
Thisgirlcanball: '*thinkin**
Thisgirlcanball: Soul is the feeling and dedication to urself; the undying passion that u vibe with someone else; or the music your heart plays when it is filled with passion; thats sould to me but its u i should be askin.......What is soul?
Thisgirlcanball: soul*
Thisgirlcanball: i dont even know if im doin this right! UGHHH
Swoops0823: pass the question to me and in an act of telepathy let me move my thoughts to ya .. your soul should be clear n apparent like transparent so i can see right thru ya...who woulda knew that my soul would be the leader of my ambitions...you talkin bout passion im talkin bout a soul mission
Swoops0823: blah @ me
Swoops0823: cuz im on a tangent
Thisgirlcanball: well ur on a tangent and me... well its the answer im demandin: but this time it's not about soul.... love, thats what I wanna know... what is love? is it to be experiences with another or can your induvidual self be considered ur lover?
Thisgirlcanball: experienced*
Thisgirlcanball: u know that is sleep talking!
Swoops0823: well i know i can love myself but im not lookin for solitude confirmation...love is not a seperation of heart n fate, nor iz it a deprivation of peace and elatement....and every statement should b finished like this...baby i love you n i seal my infatuations with a kiss
Swoops0823: blah @ me again
Thisgirlcanball: no that was good.... real good... But I must comment on u sealin infatuations with a kiss.... infatuations? are they a part of love or lust and just pure bliss and is that is the case when does lust become love? Are u to know when u are signaled that sign from above? Or are u to feel it... within the depths of ur.... ha! SOUL? And the word reappears so is there a connection or is it my mind causing the resurrection of this "soul" that invites itself once more... or did I blindly open the door...
Thisgirlcanball: BLAH BLAH @ me
Swoops0823: truthfully...lately my love aint been "touchin alicia"cuz itz "off key" .. because these females like ray charles n stevie b/c they cant see my level of comittment...i act with the upmost sentiment n the evidence suggests that my hearts "musiq" is searchin fo a "soulstar".... but like a lil kidz song i continously wonder juz "what you are"...
Thisgirlcanball: *clapping* mmm mmm mmm
Thisgirlcanball: wonderful
Swoops0823: tee hee hee
Swoops0823: OMG!
Swoops0823: inspiration
Swoops0823: do you know poetry? she creeps out my soul n my mind gets ahold of her essence...shez like a blessin from the lord to emancipate but the devil created as aggitation n stress she causes my heart to digress....n my lips to confess these words, i love u poetry az i write these bitter sweet symphomnies hopin that when poetry becomes famous, she'll mention me...i met her years ago when joy looked mellow n hope looked slim she did not care bout gold fake jewels n rims cuz poetry is truths nympho...shes loves fuckin wit the truth, n helpin me cope wit the tales of my fukked up youth...I KNOW POETRY!!! but do yyou?
Swoops0823: freestyle fo dat azz!!!
HurricaneAndro: do you know poetry?
Swoops0823: yes, yes i do
HurricaneAndro: ion know her....
HurricaneAndro: so where did you meet her again, maybe i can bump into her....
Swoops0823: man poetry ran into me the other day i was straight chillin wit my homies .. u put sumthin on me n had my wordz twisted metaphorical sentiment her grasp was legitimate...poetry isnt too jealous juz rebellious she comes when she wants goes when she pleases, talks to me bout n e thing from murder to jesus...n fosum unknown reason she always got so much ish to say, but poetry well i met her up the street the other day
Swoops0823: oops u = she
HurricaneAndro: your good
HurricaneAndro: i have not a bone in my body of tanlent like yours
Swoops0823: lol itz a gift
Swoops0823: its my ticket sum damn wher
Swoops0823: *where
Poetry...I breathe it....hence the name....poetician...
krys went swimming @6/11/2004 01:59:00 AM
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Wednesday, June 09, 2004
First of all I like to begin this meeting of "hooked on ebonics" with a presentation. I-Net thugz for the 2K4.
GHETTO CHYLD215: no necessery to be frighten about that young'n, you just need to knw how ppl be saying the talk you just have to let it go and just let em talk cause ain't nobody gonna do anything
Swoops0823: Swoops0823: ayo...then if u kno that why talk in the first place homez?
GHETTO CHYLD215: just 2 see how hard u is
I just dont know about the previous statements. First you gonna threaten to "break my hands" (can we be more specific?) then your ass is gonna bust out with the worst put together sentence in history.
amilobaby: UMM
amilobaby: I WANNA IM HER SO BAD
amilobaby: CAUSE HER GRAMMAR IS SO HORRIBLE
amilobaby: how hard you is
amilobaby: krystinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
amilobaby: look at me in my eye
amilobaby: that clause in the beginning
amilobaby: / fragment
amilobaby: just irrelevent
amilobaby: that whole sentence is just wrong
amilobaby: that shit aint even a sentence
amilobaby: are u serious
^^ lmao im not down for the girlfriends with the physco ex's. Im not sure how I feel about that. And what iz with doms having to prove their "hardness?" Please dont test me online because that does nothing, and dont come at me with some irrelevant bullshyt because that shows your immaturity. Now if you have a legit reason to start shit with me (which you prolly dont because Im a nice person) then by all means do you. But acting a dumbass and then saying you "testing me" is just a LIL shady.
Okay moving on...quote of the day "I will toil the fields for you massa...juz give mme some col'ahds"
Okay so my mother told me that if I wanted some free money, all I had to do was weed the garden. Sounds easy right? WRONG. My hands caught blisters and I looked like tatu alababa himself. I never knew weeds were so rebellious. They INVITE your ass to try and pull them up. If you spray some weed killer on them they laff at you. I mean one weed bucked at me. And he got his other gang members (grass, pollen n dander) to back him up. So I was like iight I got your ass. I went to pull homeboy up, this negro had the nerve to have more roots then Kunta Kente you hear me?
"My name Roota WeeDe and I will not be moved. ROOTA WEEDEH!!!!"
*shaking head* so after I finally won in valiant effort, I took my ass back inside. My mother comes home later. I look at her like wheres my slave labor money? She tells me, "if you hungry there some collards in the back of the fridge" DAMMIT if your gonna offer me collards dont say they in the back reminding me of how much of a slave I am! Geesh...All I wanted was five dollars.
"I went into a music store asked for 50 cent and they put me out for pan handling"
^^^ i just dont know.
But okay because Im done again because I walked a whole 2 blocks in the midday heat jus fo a 32 ounce pepsi.. However I forgot them damn foreigners worked there. I paid for 30 ounces of ice, 1 ounce of soda and 1 ounce of my own damn backwash. America nowadays. Speaking of America, yea umm so Reagan decided to die. And apparently that means that all of America should rush to stand in line for not one, not two but 16 hours. If there were a sufficient amount of black people, the funeral would be macy's and the occasion christmas eve. Serious ass lines. I tell you though I couldnt do it. Even if President Reagan knew me previously, not like he would remember me now. '
Okay but seriously I came back into the house and Im thinking hmmm my leg itches. About 2 hours later, I was talking to my girl, and what should be in my shorts but a cicada. I looked at Mr. Cicada like "you chillin?? good im chillin too" Then we took a nap. When I woke up Mr. Cicada was still there, I said thanx for visiting and took him outside. I swear the male cicadas be sounding like the scream of death. "EEEEEEEWARRREuuuuEhhheRUUUUUU" wth IS THAT?!?!
Ummm Crystal darling baby hun...please, never again miss 4 years of my life thank you.
Okay so whats this xanga frenzy? I refuse to conform!!! NOOOO NEVER!!!! you wont take me alive!!!
Umm the new thing iz...Yvonne your my alter ego and dont even know it. Can I say amen to the bill clinton scene?? What I tell you...similar experiences make for similar friends who are quikc to admit their differences. But one question...aaliyah or angelina?? I forgot...gotta have that one picture for your dorm room
On a not exactly serious but contemplative note, why do we ask questions? Most of the time to acquire knowledge but sometimes I swear people ask questions just to be nosy. But the one that gets me, asking questions out of fear. Sort of a subconcious fear. Not on the surface but it stems from the fact that we're "afraid" to not have complete control over our surroundings. We ask questions to moderate the unfamiliar. "do you know her?" "who called the phone earlier" true many times these are simply just questions, but how many times have you asked someone "why do you want to know that?" and they respond "i just want to know"? I dunno just my random thought of the day.
Im going to pray for Nicole N Crystal.
Okay but itz real late and why is it that these "wild party gurls" videos always have white gurls...and black hosts.....and thus the term interracial was born. *shaking head*
I have spotted one black gurl n one asian...but 50000000 white gurls. How bout I was real bored so me n my boy watched a porno. That shit was just real funny. "uh uh baby uh..uh uh baby uh...uh uh baby uh...*pause* uh uh baby uh" Oh joy...OMG WHITE GURLS FREAKING EACH OTHER IS HILARIOUSS!!!! umm they're throwing in a trucker hatif you buy the wild party gurl video....cut
*5 minutes later* I want one of these videos...oops two asians.....i think im goin to buy the video...9.99 for the rest of my life...on that note lemme bust my credit card out the freezer and forget the house im supposed to buy...
i'll leave u with this..
Thisgirlcanball: crystal WAS my "run to the computer to read the blog because everyone is filled with soo much knowledge even if it kjust describes a simple action in the day" blog person but u may have to take that spot cause she is slippin
Thisgirlcanball: naawww she done fell
Swoops0823: lol
Swoops0823: u kno in real life
Swoops0823: she falls about twice every hour
Thisgirlcanball: lmao
Thisgirlcanball: clumsy?
Swoops0823: beyond clumsy
Swoops0823: we went to PA to see a show
Swoops0823: thiz gurl goes to the bathroom
Swoops0823: on the way back she trips down the steps...then over 3 chairs n eventually falls into her own
Swoops0823: then one day we were at the harbor
Swoops0823: thiz negro...
Swoops0823: iz running to a fountain
Swoops0823: slips in a puddle
Swoops0823: fitted goes flying
Swoops0823: watch comes off
Swoops0823: i was done
Swoops0823: *shaking head*
Swoops0823: ima keep her in the corner
Thisgirlcanball: LMMFAO
Thisgirlcanball: she needs to take it slow
Thisgirlcanball: lol get that together
Thisgirlcanball: awww
Thisgirlcanball: so saaad... *shakin head*
Thisgirlcanball: but we all fall sometimes... right???
Swoops0823: *clearin throaK*
Swoops0823: we fall down...but if your named crystal u stay down...
Thisgirlcanball: well i wonder what happens when she dances... pops in an R. Kelly CD? Can she "step in the name of love?" or should she stick to listening to Kanye... "when it all falls down?"
Swoops0823: "jesus walks..god show me the way cuz my feet keep bringin me down...jesus walks"
Thisgirlcanball: lmao
lol still luv u bruva!!!
krys went swimming @6/09/2004 11:43:00 PM
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Tuesday, June 08, 2004
*clearin throaK*
i'll be temp done...but i really wasnt that busy...but when i invited u to vent because i had lack of a response i got the "whatever (.) bye" so yeah that constitutes an AOL attitude.
*shaking head*
O AND HELL TO THE NO TO THE MUFUUGGIN THIRD BECAUSE I COULD SAY THE SAME THING ABOUT CERTAIN PEOPLE BUT I DONT SO HEEEEYYYY LETZ ALL BE HAPPY OKAAAYYYY????
geesh after dealing with Nicoles attitudes day in and day out itz like if i spot a minor one or the offspring of a larger one I sorta "nip it". This is getting off topic if there was a topic but yea I do. I used to be like "umph they have an attitude i'll be over here" now im more like "check that shit before I pimp slap you hoe" lmao. I still think I carry it nicely tho. But itz like because I personally know how to control my attitudes as far as giving them to other people (minus my momz) , I expect other people to act in the same way. So I get urr aggitated and do a polite version of "your an azz please calm down". But even with that, I keep that response to a minimum because the worst thing to do is stab someone when they are down. But getting back to topic, no one was busy i got the "i dont really wanna talk to you lemme juz tell u why the fukc ima have this attitude and i could give a fukc less if you have shit to say etc etc" thats how I took that. But what gets me is I kinda laff at the fact that I put so much emotion to AOL. But I think theres some truth to everything even the polite *ding* of an IM.
SO IN CONCLUSIONS lmao .. it really was that serious because im over here being well me and ur over there then all of a sudden I get the "whatever (.) <-- o yes period Bye." Riiiteee...ok now i'll be completely done thanx
AND FOR THE LOVE OF PETE GUYZ IM NOT MAD lmao im juz sayin
krys went swimming @6/08/2004 07:43:00 PM
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SSOOOO today was OFFFICIALLY the last last for real LAST day of school. Graduation how beautiful the sound, that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost in the depth of the halls but im now im found, was blinded by books but NOOOOOoooOOOwwwW i SEEEEEEEEEEE. HALLEJUAH BY THE GLORY. WOOP WHOOP!!! *doin my dance* what what?!?!?!
Okay im calm now. Can i get a drumroll? Can I get A MUFFUGGHIN DRUMROLL?!?!? Krystin did NOT i repeat did not fail her exams. Oh no satan DID NOT prevail. He wanted me to fail *organ sound* but i refused to go down UH HUHHHuh. He wanted to trip me up by giving me a frown (well well) But I did not...*organ sound* i did not *organ sound* I DID NOT QUIT TRYING and I passed my exams with flying colors *dance music* can I get a testimony? Can I get a witness? AMEEENNNNN
aight so i got a 70, 80, 82, 85 90, 92
wha u think of that? Actually I think im pretty damn proud. I MADE AN 85 ON PHYSICS!!! KISS MY FUGGIN AZZ SON. Anywho. I havent spoken to my better half doc real in a minute. Ima need her to be roundand me not to be so busy that I neglect her when she is. O boi. Im fallin off on that note. Neglecting every damn body because im busy as hell.
Im finally getting out of this urr stressed out mode. Things are slooooowwwinnng down and I can stop holding mybreath. I can actually relax tomorrow for the first time in a while. However then I have church on thursday church on friday, seein my gurl friday rehearsal on saturday church on sunday + another program, monday relax and tuesday I start work. Fun stuff. But im grateful for this one day. My thing is tho i've noticed somehting about me. When I spaz I spaz hard. HARD. But I never direct my spazzing towards other people. So essentially people dont know im frustrated unless I tell them. We all catch attitudes but itz always crazy to me how we each individually deal with them. but moving on, no not moving on because I want to dwell on myself. I have a short long patience thing. Short with teh day to day people long with those whom Im not as familiar with. I get annoyed easily but it takes weeks to make me mad. i dont stay mad for long and I hate confrontations. And attitudes in myself annoy the hell outta me. But n who now im moving on.
Had my final showcase at centerstage yesterday it went well. Me and Vernon did it up. Vernon KEYS and FloeTRAAY cuz we juz that tite. I mean who else can play like that flow like that. Okay but moving on from that. Im bored im bout to harass somebody juz gotta find a victim.
krys went swimming @6/08/2004 06:26:00 PM
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